Someone once told me that they didn’t enter into relationships because they didn’t want to use up emotional energy on someone that was not worth it. At the time, I couldn’t understand it. Now I understand all too perfectly. I’ve put some much energy into matters that didn’t deserve the time of day. I seem to do this frequently.
I pick men that are below me. Somewhere I think I can save them, change them into better beings. I can’t. The only thing that ends up being changed is me. I’m no longer my bubbly self, but this worried and upset self. I’m slowly being drained of all the energy I possess. They don’t change. They don’t know how to become better people. Instead they just wallow in their normal routines, doing thing and hanging with people I cannot stand. Their ambitions don’t improve. It is a waste.
I cannot date someone below me. No matter how much a boy can enchant me, if they don’t meet my standards then I cannot date them. I’m tired of dating boys who don’t meet my standards.
From now on it is quite simple. I am 24. I want a future. I want to move out. I want a family, a job, a house. I want these things. I should not settle for someone younger who is not mature enough to handle these things. I’m tired of boys who think they are men. I know what I want and I’m not settling for anything less.
For now, I learn to be by myself. That is the only thing I can do.
