Babies

So my friend Nikki had a baby recently. It was completely unplanned. She just went to the hospital and came back with a baby girl.

I CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT IT.

In high school, I would have the kids. Liz would be the doctor and have a stay at home husband with one kid. Nikki would be the crazy cat lady all alone reading her books. She never wanted a kid. Needless to say, life did not turn out this way. Liz is in medical school, like she should be. Nikki went to law school.

This was my first flabbergast moment. Nikki and law? It is supposed to be Nikki and English, not law. Nikki is a law student in the city and she absolutely hates it like I knew she would. I see her point about getting a doctorate and being a professor, law is just not the way I would have gone about it. I would have gone about it the way I'm currently going, in graduate school for English.

Now Nikki has a baby. It is quite odd. She pokes her little "demon spawn" in the nose in a way that someone who wanted to be a mother never would. Megan is more doll than actual child. Sometimes I don't believe she is real, I wonder if Nikki feels this way? Is it all a dream? I'm completely disregulated by it. Nikki is just holding on by strings. I feel horrible for her, she is basically alone with no help (I mean mentally). She can't quit law school, she won't even take a semester off. I just want her to make it, much more than I want myself to make it through grad school. She has worked hard to get to law school, I've been a slacker. She deserves this much more than I do.

In the meantime I'll probably end up buying or knitting Megan way too many things, clothes, toys and whatnots. I'll help in whatever way I can even though I'm 23 and have no real job. We have to stick together, we are only children. In the end, if the situation were reversed, I'm sure Nikki would take care of me too.

To Begin

I should really be asleep, but I'm not. Every night is getting harder and harder to sleep. So instead I create a blog. Nicole said I should, so I will. I will eventually put up stories and just random thoughts.

1st Random thought:
I have always wanted to listen to Children of Bodom's Blooddrunk outside when snow is falling. The beginning of the song seems to correspond to something just seems magical, the soft nice snow before it goes into a horrible car crashing, vision-limiting blizzard. It has always been this outlandish dream since I hate going outside when it snows. And for the image to be right, it would have to snow for a while so that there is snow on the ground and sidewalks, etc. The other night as I drove home, snow found me. It was perfect. I literally drove around my house for like 10 minutes just listening to the beginning of the song over and over again while driving in the snow. (By the way, this was at about 1 am)

This is just the beginning of what associations I make when listening to music. I'm sure I will go into it even more as this blog grows. So much music, so little time.

Perhaps I should sleep...