Why I don't like birthdays

When you are little, the fairytales seem to come true on your birthday. All your wishes come true right before your very eyes. Everything you wanted, you now have it. Of course, when you are little, the most you want is some new toys and attention. As the birthday child, you are the center of attention as everything is about you.

As you grow older, the magic of your youth birthdays are gone. The expectations are different now and to me, they are never met even though I don't think I know what I am expecting.

What am I expecting...I still don't know. Perhaps I am just waiting to change, change into someone more responsible. If I am waiting for that, I might be waiting forever. Perhaps I am just waiting for my life to start.

I feel stuck, stuck in so many ways. Stuck with my parents, stuck in school, stuck doing things that make me unhappy, stuck in my house, stuck forever in the wrong place...I want to unstuck. Well, unlike my former marlin, I can't just remove my foot from where I placed it to unstuck. Quite simply I am, Oh no, Oh dear, I'm stuck! Help!

In a small tangent, thinking about my marlin and the rest of them just really hurt. Perhaps I miss my dysfunctional room more than I thought I would. I miss my school mommies and my kids, they were as much a part of me as I am of them. Unfortunately this relationship is lopsided since they probably don't remember me by now. I'll remember them for the rest of my life.

I am 24. I am stuck. Certain items listed above will unstuck with time, others will not for a while. I'm not necessarily unhappy with my life, just unhappy with my birthday. It is just a reminder than I have to wait. My students couldn't wait and perhaps I can't either. My patience was used up with them, now I just want to move leaps and bounds forward forgetting that I am attached to the floor.